Cresting The Hill

This is where I'm at in life. There are many friends here locally that we just don't see much anymore. I've gotten tired of being the one always trying to set things up.
In the meantime, over the past year, I've gained a new friendship with someone I've never met in person - yet am closer to her than I am with many long-time friends. But I find that she also contributes to the friendship and makes an equal effort in communication. I think age makes a difference - I don't feel like putting forth so much effort that is not reciprocated by other 'friends'.

Oh my goodness, if this is the most fitting timely read for me.

This last Friday evening while out on a beautiful evenings walk with my dog....I happened upon a small sign of a Mom-2-Mom/Resale event posted for Saturday at the school system I once worked for which was putting this event on. The staff is always invited to attend on Friday evenings before the sale held to the public on Saturdays.
I looked at the sign...eyes misting up with tears knowing I had attended each one in the years past with great excitement bringing along with me always 2 other young moms to glean what they wished for and desired for their babes to have and at super great prices.
I also shopped picking up some great items as a newly blessed grand-mother along with other close staff members who also were becoming or were already newly gifted grandmothers!! The fun we all had on those Friday evenings was very special!
Some of the staff members I worked with knew I absolutely adored and had fun going to these sales.....and well, with eyes misting up as I acknowledged the sign posted....I got the point strongly no one had cared or thought of me to ask me to come this year now that I'm no longer employed as being part of the school staff.
Someone could have extended an invite to me...and I surely would have gone with bells on, but no one cared to.
Ugh! The worst was coming home after the walk with my dog....sorting myself out...and coming to the conclusion I always had been the sweet smiling girl to have made the invitations to events and get togethers, with rarely if ever being reciprocated.
It was fine with me throughout the years...but now....it seems to have hit my heart with a thud and realizing it's getting rather taxing and old.
This last Friday, I thought of 2 great friends who honor me and are not like what I just described.
2 only 2, 1 girlfriend who I've known since our Senior year in high-school, who lives in another part of the United States!
So with this new revelation my heart cried out to the Lord...please Lord send me friends who will look out for me they way in which I've looked out for others for so long in attending fun events, happenings, and all out great things to do in our community.
Then came this wonderful read of yours to let me know I'm not the only one in the world experiencing this at the moment!
With your words and what I experience this past Friday evening....I have a renewed sense about myself and an eagerness to experience what the future holds for us girls!!!
Thanks so very much for sharing your heart!
It's meant the world to me to read what your wrote in this post!
Take care!

Oops! Proof read after I clicked on the publish button....in one of my words they should have been the!
Yikes! A lesson to slow down and proof read!!! :)

Hi, Leanne - I agree that our friendships evolve and change as we evolve and change. I must admit that I am usually not the one to pick up the phone, or send an email to suggest a get-together out of the blue....and I hope that this is never read as being less committed to the friendship. Yesterday I met three friends that I hadn't seen for three years and our conversation started right where it left off (with the four of us barely coming up for air). I also love the deep connections that I have made with others in this corner of the blogosphere. Somehow, I never anticipated that when I first began to blog!

Most of friends over the years have moved away, or we get too busy as we've gone about our own separate lives. I do check in with people more online than anything these days. Always good for a face to face catch up chat though.

We are definitely in sync Leanne as I too wrote about friendships this week! Thank you for the mention and I truly value the friendship we have forged through blogging. I have only a few friends but I know I can count on them for support. I used to be the one to organise catch ups and then tested friends by not contacting them to see if they would contact me. Like you there are those that will always be there but others I learned are only for a short time in my life. Thanks for sharing at #overthemoon and I will be selecting this as my feature for the week. x

Leanne, so true about the wonderful friends made through blogging and social media. My new circle of friends also now include the parents from school. Friendships and how we make them are such dynamic, every changing beasts.


SSG xxx

I could not have said this better myself. I was noticing this happening in my life prior to moving abroad, but now it can't be ignored. I am "out of sight and out of mind" for many of my friends. I just do not feel that I need to chase after them anymore. I have been making many connections with others online that have many similar interests with me. It's a new phase in life in so many ways. :)

This could have been a post that I wrote. Sometimes it feels like I wouldn't get together with friends if I wasn't the one initiating the meeting. I find myself chatting more with fellow bloggers.

Yes! Yes! and another Yes! I feel exactly the same way...some of my friends have moved away and while we keep n touch it is different...a lot of my friends are too sorry to be with me now since I lost my son...I have a few very close friends who check on me...but I feel like you...I did most of the work in the friendship and I just don't want to anymore...I am retired. Retired from doing the constant calling to set up dates for lunch or whatever. And I also agree on some of my best friends being other bloggers...members of our Midlife Blogging group have become some of my new best friends..I feel like they get me, and right now that is what I need!

I lost two of my best friends over the years, one to a stroke at 41 and the other to suicide at 39 and I've not been motivated to fill those spots up. They're still in my heart and will always be. I do have one best friend who lives back in KY (400 miles away). We don't call or text often, but several times a year we each get a text "need some bestie time" and one of us visits the other and we pick up right where we left off. I love her dearly other than that all of my friends are from blogging and web designing. I've made some really beautiful friendships online. Just like you said they get me and what I'm doing. No awkward explanations needed!

You landed close to home with this post, Leanne! I'm having some of the very same feelings about not having the time or energy to pursue old friends, who have always depended on me to keep it going! I especially love your comments about on-line friendships—they are priceless, and we are usually on the same page! I loved this so much, I posted it on Twitter.

Oh, my word. This came as a shock, but I so agree! I've been wondering, too, why I don't miss my friends. And you are absolutely right! My online friendships are so satisfying! Revelation!

Leanne, Investing in new friendships was something I focused on in the first few years of retirement. I had so many connections tied up in work - not really deep friendships though, as I came to realize.

I've come to view reciprocity a bit differently. There are some folks where I will continue to be the instigator... more because we have a wonderful time when we are out and they always thank me for setting it up. They recognize the effort and I really, really enjoy the time together. I view my instigation as my gift to them.

Another friend always picks up the tab for breakfast/coffee... their contribution of effort (as well as being genuinely pleased when I reach out). A couple of folks I've moved into the "networking camp" - not really "friends" but associates that I want to stay connected with still. Some, I've just let slide away (and had to grieve the loss, especially if I thought there was a stronger bond there).

Interestingly, there are now a few IRL friends who are reciprocating! They notice when it's been awhile and reach out. The shift felt weird at first. And it's also interesting ... among all the folks I connected with, they are not ones I might have expected at the beginning.

And absolutely yes, there is whole group of on-line folks who are, as you say, walking the same life path at the moment! (Most of my IRL friends are not on this life path. Most are still working; some have younger kids and dealing with the true busy of that life stage.) I value these on-line relationships. And yet, this also requires effort...reading and commenting. I sometimes wonder who would notice if I stopped? If even in this world, would it be out of sight (words on paper), out of mind? Maybe, maybe not.

One thing I can attest to.... the investment I have made in time and effort, whether IRL or on-line, has been worth it. I do feel like there is a tribe of (mostly) women who I like to hang with, who share their insights and support, and who have filled the gaps of the lost connections I had while working. And that is a great feeling.

I get it too Leanne! I lost my BFF of 35 years 2 years ago and I really miss her but I haven't promoted another friend to replace the relationship we had because that isn't possible. I love my girlfriends but I don't need lots. I agree with you, my FB friends have filled the gap of friendships.

Yay for blogging friends!
I am always reminded of the saying that people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime and I think that is particularly apt. Maybe the glue that held a relationship together weakens as each person heads off in their own direction. I love that I can still immediately pick up with friends of 50+ years and that the glue there is pretty much timeless due to strong inter-family connections and much shared experience. Other friendships have waned over the years, and that's OK.

Leanne I wrote a post a while back about friendships. I so agree about online friends right now for whatever reason I also feel closer to some of my blogging friends. Everything is changing so I guess friendships are also.

I have to say, meeting fellow writers has definitely filled a social gap. I still need my "in the flesh" friends, but there's something lovely about getting to know people virtually. Somehow it feels just as real.

Leanne...I am new to your blog. I found this post to be quite interesting and thought provoking. I have had "less friends" for years. One reason was that I poured my life into my children. Most of my friends were moms of my children's friends. So, now, with the empty nest thing, I am looking around and asking some of the same questions as this post. ---Bev (working on my commenting ID thing so please excuse the weird comment name...ha ha)

Friendships based on workplaces seem to fade over time when we leave them but I stay in touch with some via social media. I have found old school friends thanks to Facebook. However, I think we wax and wane in terms of friends and I have learned that it is not about me per se it is about who makes the most effort to maintain it. In my case, it was me! Yesterday I caught up with a friend who became my friend over 30 years ago when our kids began a relationship, They married, gave us 3 grandkids we share, the kids themselves divorced and took new partners....and guess what, we meet up with no animosity just sharing the commonality of ageing, living in the same regional area after leaving Sydney and those grandkids of ours! Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek 10/52. Next week's optional prompt is "My Last Meal". Denyse x

I agree with you Leanne. Our friendships change over time as do our interests. My blogging friendships are seen as something to be concerned about by some, as if they’re not real people at all but shysters trying to steal my identity or money. It’s interesting to listen to those who just don’t ‘get’ bloggers as they are quite suspicious of it all. I really enjoy my blogging friendships and have felt included and part of an understanding group. I found your post very thought provoking, as usual!! Thanks for opening up and being honest about this subject.

Hi Leanne - My core group of close friends has stayed the same, except one who died young. I'm enjoying making new friends through blogging and traveling.

Hi Leanne, I have already commented above but wanted to thank you for being my best blogging friend and co-hosting Midlife Share the Love Party with me. #MLSTL. I'm sharing everywhere. xx

I feel like I've had some people in my life that have drifted away, some I've pushed out, and others that even after years we fall back into step. Seasons and all that.

I used to worry that I wasn't maintaining a sufficient amount of friends. But I'm a loner and enough for me would never be enough for someone else. So, now, I try to share myself wholly with the people who are around me now while keeping one door open for fresh faces to show up.

Great post! I really enjoyed it.

Leanne, I found this post and the comments very interesting. I am still working full-time, and I have a rather large family (mostly close by). Add to that my introvert tendencies, and I don't have a lot of non-relative friends that I hang out with. Don't get me wrong, I like people and I enjoy socializing at the office or when I run into my neighbors. I just have a hard time summoning up the time and energy for going out. I adore the friends I have made through blogging. As you mentioned, I have found people in a similar stage of life, people who I connect with--and I can do it in my pajamas with no concerns about scheduling conflicts or inclement weather. :-) I know that sounds lazy, but at this point in my life, it's just being real. Thanks for being one of those friends, Leanne.

Hi Leanne, your post rang true for me too. I believed that my friendship group had dwindled because we have moved so much and it just wasn't possible to see them in real life. But I realise that although it is harder to make friends as we get older, it's not impossible, but I'm probably not so inclined to make the effort. These days I have so many close and lovely friends on the internet who all share bits of my life story that sometimes I can feel more fulfilled after a day at the computer than after, say, having coffee with someone. Which is a bit scary. And sad?

Did you and Sue plan the friendship theme today? I've been thinking about this topic too. I have a small number of close friends, most of whom I have known for many years. I don't make friends easily. I don't feel the urge to stay in touch with a lot of acquaintances, when our life connection changes, such as with a move or job change, I can usually think fondly of them and send a Christmas card but not have them be a major part of my life. I do like my on-line friendships, it is strange to me that I have found so many like minded friends around the world. I love it though!

Interesting reading these comments - there seems to be a common thread in many that people appreciate and rely on friendships formed online and through blogging.

I wonder if this is part of the reason why some of us blog in the first place??

Hmm, food for thought. Chris

Hi Leanne, really enjoying this new link up, and the wisdom those of us on the far side of 50 can bring to the table!

Re: Your post - I experience a bit of this as well Leanne, and I think its akin to the connection people used to create through being penpals. You really do get to know someone through their writings, and if you feel a connection, it is real, and will carry into real life.

That has been my experience at least. I've had the good fortune to meet several bloggers in 'real life' over the years, and it has felt like meeting an old shoe friend (an expression I heard once that I love!) each and every time. There is a reason we return to a person's blog time and again - it's because something resonates and we feel connected with them as a result.

I am like you in that I make ongoing efforts to stay connected with friends. I see this as being more about my needs than theirs, so as long as I don't have to work too hard, and feel fed at the end of each get together, I will happily continue to do so. Should anything ever change, or it begin to feel like too much work, I would hope to accept it was time to stop making such an effort, and turn my attentions elsewhere.

I enjoy your blog too Susan - I think we're on a similar journey - finding what's important to us and rediscovering who we are and what we want from life :)

Great post.

Leanne I've noticed this decrease in friends also.and Like you in not at all concerned. Ive made so many friends in blogging, both fitness and genealogy, genuine, interested friends. I tend to think this trend has to do with social media. I'm able to keep up with my friends on FB etc. I'm definitely one of those who don't make an effort these days to keep in mind touch.

Leanne, this is an eye opener. From your post to hear so many going through the same experience. That is one reason I love your posts, you say what everyone else can't put into words.
Just today may husband and I were talking about this and concluded that we were fortunate to be best friends as well in our relationship. We have a few long term friends who live far away. I love to hear of others and what is happening in their life on FB but they are not what I call real friends who care.
As this has touched a chord in so many here, we should feature your post to help others who are finding changes in friends as they get older and change themselves.
Also praying for your health, get on top real soon.
Kathleen
Blogger's Pit Stop

That's wonderful news Marilyn - I'll definitely pop over to see my feature xx